See you soon Vancouver

I am currently lying in the guest bed at my mom's house, exhausted after a super long day. I am in a space of waiting. A space of in-between. I don't feel as though I am still here and I don't feel as though I am quite gone yet. I am just waiting to start the journey.

Today I had to say good-bye to Jes as he took off to New York. I am sure he will post a very good blog post about his adventures getting to his Brooklyn apartment. I almost cracked a few times this morning as he left - but I managed to keep it together. It wasn't until I saw Bri later in the day that I broke down. I can't really put into words the type of relationship that Jes and I have - he means more to me than any other friend I've ever had. He has been my life partner for the past 2 and a half years, and being apart from him is hard. It is something that I have to do, that we both has to do to gain a better life perspective, but it is still hard. Just not being able to turn to him on the couch and talk to him about my day is ... well pretty crappy. We have an intense relationship - and I miss him already a great deal. I only hope that I will miss him less as the weeks roll on, but I know that is a pipe dream.

I also had to say goodbye to Bri (again) today - and like yesterday it was rather intense. I will miss that girl so much! We have become like a pair of chain-smoking, uber-intelligent and loving academics, who brought Jes into our fold.

At this moment - I have to pause to wonder to myself, what does it mean to make such intense friendships, only to leave them a month later? Why is that normal?

Tomorrow at about 4pm I am going to be getting in a very packed car and starting to drive towards Toronto, Ontario. This is the biggest thing I have ever done in my life and I have no idea how to do it. I have said good bye to all my friends - although in most cases, as Christine pointed out to me, it is not good bye so much as "see you soon." Which in Christine, Jen, and Jes's case it very much is. But that does not make this any easier - whereas normally I could pick up the phone and make plans to see people, now I have to figure out when I am going to be back in town or when they are going to be in Toronto. I am just finding the whole expereince - weird.

But even in this case of weirdness, I am so very exciting. I am buzzing with energy and excitement as I take my leave of Vancouver and British Columbia. Tonight, as I spend my last night in my mom's house, I am thinking less of everything that is being left behind, and more of what I am gaining - and the course my life is taking at this point. It is a good one. It is a excellent one. And I can't wait to start that journey.

That being said, we all know I have had a really rough 3 years - in it I have grown very tired of saying good-bye to people. So I refuse to say good-bye. Instead, I am saying I will see you all soon. And I love you.

Tomorrow I will post from Shushap Lake.