F.Y.I.

The last blog on here was by Jes - who accidentally posted on my blog or forgot to put his name on the post.

Silly boy. Boys are silly. Throw rocks at them... ok, don't throw rocks at Jes cause then I'd have to do something even worse to you....

2 Weeks

Today marks my two-weekiversery in Brooklyn!

Last night I made a kickass veggie sautee with yellow beans, carrots, red onions, chick peas, and mushrooms, in balsamic vinegar and red wine. It all cost 3 bucks (thank you, Sun Hee Farms, the best produce stand ever in Greenpoint). Excluding the wine, of course. That was a nice little leftover.

Myka got drunk as a skunk off cheap whiskey. I sipped my chianti and felt morally superior.

Thursday nights in Brooklyn are off the hook.

And after 7 days....

Today marks a week in the city. My first 7 days of Toronto living. And, despite bouts of homesickness, being stone-cold broke, sweating a lot and broken wine glasses... I think I am going to be happy here. Already in 7 days I have made some friends in the city - Robyn, Jordan's cousin welcomed me on my first day with open arms. Marcos is a joy to hang out with and deal with stupid ass newbie questions. Also, Jordan's friend Fred gave me a warm welcome. Yesterday, I met my long time on-line friend Nick for coffee and a tour of the UofT campus - which was great. Found a few not so hidden gems on campus and got to talk about Transformers and Buffy for a few hours...

I used to think I did not make friends easily, which would mean that moving here would put me into a state of panic, but having already developed people I can call when I am lonely or just need to talk to someone tells me that I can indeed survive here. I miss all my friends from home terribly... but I know that I am going to see them all soon. Christine tonight, Jes in September and October, Jen in October and maybe even Brianne in November... Plus I still talk to Jes on an almost nightly basis... which is a big relief... it almost feels like we are going through this together.

***As I write this, my land-lady's cat, Stan, has come wandering inside and is making himself at home in my bed. Stan visits me everyday and has become a fixture in my apartment, whether it be for five minutes or a few hours. ***

Most of this past week was spent putting together my apartment - which is nearly done. I will post pictures this weekend... I promise. (I can feel Brianne giving me a look) All I have to do is put up some posters - still have not found the perfect place to put the Knocked Up poster. Once that is done, the pictures will be taken.

For this weekend... I am going to explore the city as much as possible. Might head to the lake shore or something. Just wander around... There is so much to see. Also Saturday night, there might be a house party that I am invited to. Also knowing me, I will wander more around the Annex and the Bloor West Village - two of my favourite places so far. Also, there might be more free concerts that I can go to like last night!

Ok, I should run - heading off to a relaxing afternoon on a couch.

Its been Seven Days... and Matt is surviving here. He is enjoying it here. No news is better than that!

Iced Americanos and a Desolated Department

I am sitting in the most amazing cafe ever - Aroma on Bloor in the Annex - eating a roast beef sandwich and having an iced americano. So far, my day has been a bit of a bust - I managed to get my student ID (the picture makes me look like a serial murderer) and my UofT computing account active - although it won't start working until tomorrow. After this, I was feeling pretty good so I decided to go look for my books in the bookstore. Well, the UofT bookstore is truly one of the most confusing bookstores I've ever been in. There is no course listings where the books are. Just books. So you really have no idea what books go with what courses. I finally gave up and decided to find something to drink - well this was an epic search. Apparently no one on campus knows exactly what an iced americano is. The first second cup I went to, the barrista stared at me like I was speaking in tounges, the second actually told me he didn't know how to make one, and the third offered me iced tea. So I changed course. Decided to head to the English Department, perhaps say hi to the graduate advisor and check out the department. Sadly I had forgotten my map at home. So I got very very lost. Finally I found a map outside the library - now the building that the english department is housed in has just changed its name and I only know the new name - luckily I kinda remembered where it was so I made a logical deduction and headed for the Medical Arts Building. I was right. But when I got there - no one was there. It was literally like a ghost town. There was nothing on the walls, not even name tags on the doors. It was really freaky. The only person who was there that I talked to was, naturally, Linda Hutchinson. Why wouldn't one of the biggest names in Canadian English Studies be hanging out. She was really nice.

I left the building feeling hungry, hot (its over 40 here today) and a bit disillusioned. I decided to walk down Bloor and check out the annex. I finally came across Aroma and decided I want a fucking iced coffee damnit!

So I've spent the last 20 minutes enjoying their free wireless and listening to two sweet older ladies talking about the cookies they bought and the bees on their balconies.

Well I think i will walk down Bloor and head to the Bob Miller Bookroom - where apparently profs stock books for classes and see if I can't find some of my books. Then tonight I might put together more of my bookcases and stock them, then I might watch some Firefly and try and stay cool.

Water Falling Over Cliffs and Ontario Musings

Yesterday we took a little road trip to Niagara Falls. It was both what I expected and not at all what I expected. Perhaps that needs some more clarification. I expected it to be water falling over a cliff - hence the name water falls - but I was not expecting the sheer tackiness and campiness of the town itself. Its like a mini Times Square mixed in with a bit of Atlantic City. As though the people who designed it were thinking - hey, to attract as many Americans to our side of the falls (because ours are clearly better) we should make this as touristy as possible. For the most part when I have gone to see natural attractions, they are not as tacky as that. There are usually some walking trails or a site building where you can read about the natural wonders you're looking at. Not so much at the Falls. The visitor building was a total dump. It was old, had the WORST gift shop ever. But if you can detach yourself from the town and the people, the falls themselves are pretty awesome. They were actually smaller than I had made out in my head - having seen so many pictures of them and seen them in movies I had this image of something akin to the Empire State Building or the Grand Canyon.

Nonetheless, I stood at the fence, looked over at the boiling mass of blue water and frothy foam below and found myself enjoying it. Quite the sight - something everyone should see once. Although I am not sure if you need to see it more than once... it is water falling over a cliff afterall. I don't mean to sound so cynical and flippant about it - they were amazing, I really did enjoy seeing them. But like all natural attractions for me... the wow factor is not quite so huge.

After that we drove home, stopping at Zellars so I could stock up on household necessitates and then to Best Buy so I can actually have a phone for when the phone line starts working. I am told it will be on the 2nd now. Not exactly holding my breath on that one.

Today I am off to UofT to visit the campus and get my ID, maybe even buy a book or two for my classes. We'll see what happens. I plan on exploring the Annex some more too. Today will be my first day in the halls of my new academic home. And I am not nervous at all... oh wait, maybe that weird feeling in my stomach and the fact that I keep eyeing my smokes all morning tells me I am. Hmmmm.

I did dishes for the first time today and organized my garbage - it felt good to do normal things. Despite my rumbling tummy - I know that I will be happy here.

Now if only I could find the perfect spot for my Kate action figure from Lost... where to stick her....

Toronto Adventures

Well I'm not really sure where to start... it has been a whirl wind couple of days. After I got here I just kinda explored the apartment and got comfortable. Jordan's cousin Robyn came over with her boyfriend and we hung out and chatted while drinking some nice Ontario wine. The next day, my land-lady drove me around the area showing it off. She introduced me to Rochesville - an amazing area that I am already in love with. I went to a great little fruits and veggies store and gorged on all kinds of great stuff. This is an area that is 20 minutes from my home, walking. And it is filled with awesome coffee shops, a bunch of bookstores and all kinds of fun stuff. After that, Jordan and I went to Ikea where I got a sofa, 2 big book cases, a smaller bookcase for dvds, a shelf unit for the bathroom and a pile of kitchen stuff. After that I bought some much needed food for the apartment - will have to do some more shopping with the car before Jordan leaves on Friday.

Yesterday, Jordan was doing some stuff on his own, so I went for a walking tour of Yonge and Church street. Caught the tail end of the queer literary festival. I changed my cell number and got a home phone number - just don't have the actual phone yet. After that - well, I had a date with Hotty Mchot... now known as Marcos. And all I need to say si that we had a second date today and have a third one planned for Wednesday. So, in terms of that... I think it is going well. (And because I know he reads this, I won't gush too much. That is reserved for girl talk between me and the other Musketeers.) Needless to say, I'm happy.

Today, my movers came - 4 hours late mind you - and as I unpacked stuff I was horrified to discover that my expensive wine glasses were broken, other glasses were damaged AND, the worse sin of all, my books were damaged. At least 20% of my books now have bent spines. I was mortified. I am going to call the movers tomorrow and complain, very strongly. How could they damage a PhD student's books!!??

I went for dinner with Marcos and we walked through the Annex - another neighbourhood that I am totally fell in love with. The best moment was two guys moving a leather couch along Bloor, using a skate board as a dolly. We laughed like crazy. Also, some lady came up to us asking for cigarettes and then went into a ramble about a girl that was lost. I was shown the front of BMV Books - what was called the best used bookstore in the city. Think I will head down there again this week to check it out some more. See what bargains I can find. The night ended with a hug at Dundas W. Subway station and I went home to my apartment, which is a work in progress. But I want to have it all together for Friday...

Tomorrow, I think Jordan and I are going on a little road trip to see Niagara Falls. Oh and I need to get that damn home phone!

hugs and kisses to you all
matt

Holly Golightly.

This now adorns the wall of my living room. How amazing is it?!

"Unless God really likes sandwhiches, you're fucked."

Marcos showed me these - they are amazing. I have a new hero. And her name is Joan Rivers.


"I hate old people"



"Julie Andrews and Child Labour"



"I attended George Michael's Wedding"

When Genres Collide - the Collection

My first publication just came out this past week. I attended a conference for the Science Fiction Research Association last year and they turned the proceedings into a edited volume. It is now available for purchase from amazon.com. I did a paper on Joss Whedon's Firefly. I am rather proud of that paper.

Go out and buy a copy! Relish in my writings!

Here is a link to the amazon.com listing

Here is the table of contents.

Buy Buy

First day excitement

I am sitting on my bed in my living room - because it has not been moved into the bedroom part of the apartment yet - and thought I would post about the apartment and such.

Its 10am here and it is already fucking hot. Last night I experienced a Toronto rain shower. Totally unlike anything I've seen in Vancouver, the only thing I can compare it to is a burst of rain I saw in New York last summer. It just came down like nothing I've ever seen before! I was sitting outside talking to Jes and suddenly I was soaked to the bones. Craziness.

I love the apartment - it has a really large kitchen, and then a sizeable living room and a smaller bedroom that you get to by going through a set of french doors off the living room. Yes, that's right I have french doors. Jealous yet? I have a few pieces of furniture, all provided by my land lady - but I am going to get a futon for a couch and some bookcases to put up in the living room and bedroom. Plus I have my coffee table that my sister gave me which will be come the TV stand. One of the first things I did was hang a few pictures, it made it feel more like home I think. I have 2 more bigger pictures that I am figuring out where to hang right now. And my mom is sending my posters along this week, I'll be getting frames for them and they will become part of the bedroom decor.

Today I am going to explore the neighborhood and see what is around here. Plus I am going to Eaton Cent. and get my phone stuff all sorted out. Then I will have a home phone number that you can all call me on. Especially since I get NO CELL RECEPTION in the apartment. Hence why i was outside on the phone. I might be going to Ikea today, but we'll see how I feel about all that.

I will post more later about my day...needless to say, I'm happy here. Or at least I know I will be in time.

New Apartment Goodness

So I am sitting in the living room of my apartment in Toronto. Its amazing. I love it. Big and spacious and really very nice.

I will post more about it later, but for now I think I need to rest up.

Hope all is well

matt

Where Terry Was

I realized today - well this morning - as I was lying in bed that I am in at the end point of where Terry Fox finished his famous run. Today I will be driving along the same highway that he ran.

I have always felt connected to Terry - so knowing that makes this day a bit better.

From the Skies of Winnipeg to the Streets of Thunder Bay

I am currently sitting in a rooming house in Thunder Bay, Ontario after a really really long trip. We drove yesterday to Winnipeg and stayed with our friend Greg. It was a long day - filled with all kinds of adventure. Well not really, it was more just a lot of driving and looking at really depressing small towns. I have really noticed that the towns in Canada are SMALL! There is very little going on in them. Most of the ones on the prairies are based around farming and the like. We were in one called Qu'Applle (I think that is how it is spelled). It was in all respects a ghost town. There was absolutely NOTHING going on. We stopped to get gas at a Domo, yes that's right a Domo - they still exist! And then did a quick drive through, which took all of 5 minutes.

I think the highlight of yesterday was Winnipeg, I loved it there. I can now see why Jen really loves that city. It is super friendly and super clean and just nice. I got to see Jen last night, she took me out to the Toad, some bar that she used to hang out with all of her friends at. It was great. We both got super trashed. That was a total reminder of home. Being drunk with Jen. It makes me excited for her visit to Toronto in October - I am totally going to find good bars to take her to.

Staying with Greg was nice. His family is awesome. I think i connected with him mom and dad instantly. They wanted me to pack up their dog and take her with me, and you know I was super tempted to do that.

Today we drove for 9 hours - passing through Manitoba into Ontario. Yes I am in Ontario now, closer to - well I guess I can call it home - and I am even in my own time zone now. I get a few days to get used to that. But I am really happy to be in my transplanted province. It feels good. I made Jordan stop at the Ontario sign and take my picture. Sadly, my first few experiences in Ontario were not amazing. We did stop for lunch at this really pretty lake in Kenora, ON. Very nice. But after that we stopped to get gas in this horrible horrible town. I felt like I was in either a Hitchcock movie or in Deliverance. I am pretty sure that the guy who helped us at the gas station had a mom who is also his sister... if you catch my drift. Then our stop is in Thunder Bay. What a dump! I really don't like it here. We are staying in a nice hostel, but the woman who runs it is a bit... well intense. I am looking forward to getting up in the morning and leaving this arm pit behind.

I am getting closer to Toronto. Which is amazing, because it feels like this trip just started and here I am at the tail end of it. Crazy huh? Soon I will be posting from my apartment in Toronto. I will be posting pictures of the apartment right away!

My first purchase when I am there will be a futon so I have a couch and a spare bed...

I will post tomorrow again, from the Soo.

hope all is well out there.
hugs
matt

One Song Glory (Calgary to Regina)

I decided to name this post after the song that was just playing on the radio when I opened up my word document because it seemed appropriate. One Song Glory – from the musical RENT – its all about change. Right now I am sitting in the passanger seat of the car typing out some thoughts on the Praries. I have to admit, I am mildly impressed by them, but I think my biggest reaction to them is a sense of being overwhelmed. They are so big and so grand and so immense that I really had no idea, at all, of what to expect from them. When I look ahead of me all I see is road, and dry grass – nothing else. It is just mile after mile of road. There are no mountains to break that sense of monotmy – no sense of familiarity for me anywhere. I think Foucault would really like this streach of earth, because it seems that everyone here is equal. You have to break through the bad-lands of the praries to get to the other side. Course, driving through Alberta, I am realizing that there is a a distinct finaicial hierarchy in Alberta – those who are a part of the industries who keep the province alive, and those who do not. I have not seen much poverty, but the social critic in me can sense it is here.

I feel as though I am lost – with a world that I know and understand behind me and a world of uncertainty in front of me… well except I am pretty certain that there will be more grass and cows coming up. But that is a world I am pretty excited about. For right now, however, I am feeling pretty good about discovering my Canadian self. I’m certainly not going to frolic on the prairies or play in the Great Lakes, but I am enjoying myself seeing my country.

We have been driving through Alberta since yesterday and are coming up on the boarder between Alberta and Saskatchewan (I know I spelled that wrong - so sue me). Alberta is nice, but at the same time really unappealing. We stopped in Brooks – where I finally found a starbucks – and in Medicine Hat (the Gas City – no really, that’s what they call themselves.) Both towns were quaint in their own way – but just so empty of the things I know. One of the things that I think this trip will help me with is adjusting to Toronto – because I will be craving the big city again by the time I get there. I’ll miss Vancouver, but will just be so happy to be in a place with transit again. And more than one starbucks!

I am doing pretty well so far, was missing everyone this morning. And I know that will last for a while, but I am finding ways of adjusting. Lets just say that I love my unlimited text messaging feature for anywhere in Canada and the US!

I have been spending time in the evenings talking to Jes – which helps a lot with this change I am making. We are sharing experiences and making plans for things. I am really happy that I get to see him before October…

For now I am going to continue to look out the window and see what I can see – oh look more grass. I am certainly not complaining about the prairies – but I am realizing that, they are not for me. And if I did not have someone to talk to while driving this drive, I would certainly go mad.

We got to Regina nicely - I have to say that it is a nice city. Not at all what I expected. Everyone told me it was a total dive, but I seem to like it so far. The area around the legislature buildings is really quite nice. The buildings themselves are really impressive - they are situated in this really pretty park area where the river runs past and there is a huge rose garden dedicated to Queen Elizabeth the II.

Our hostel is also nice - we have a huge room to ourselves, except for this one guy that went to bed at 8. Who the fuck does that?! I am sitting outside right now on the patio - they locked the doors at 10, so I hope I can get inside still, the lady gave me a door code, so I should be able too. Otherwise, I'll just be outside all night.

Tomorrow we are off to Winnipeg, I get to see my friend Greg and Jen! Very excited about that - a small piece of home along the way.

I should call it a night - hope everyone is well back in Van and various other places.

much love
matt

Inching Forward

So I am here, in Calgary, sitting in Jordan's dad's house about to eat dinner. It is day 2 of the trip - and I am already starting to feel homesick for everything that is familiar.

Last night we stayed in a pretty nice hostel - it was made up of a general store that was renovated from the 1920s and a series of railway cars that have been made into bunk houses. The lady who ran it was pretty crazy - she made us these crazy pancakes for breakfast. Then we drove like maniacs through the Rockies - I can't even talk about that yet, I loved it!

I got to talk to Jes last night - we spent an hour doing our thing. I was really happy to talk to him. Even though I promised myself that I would wait till I see him in October, I might break down and have to go and visit him at the end of September for a weekend or something. Although I know he will try to tell me not to - but he won't mean a word of it. (And Yes I am well aware he reads this blog and will make a comment about that).

I have discovered something about myself - I am a city boy. Born and Breed. I like my starbucks, I like my email, and I like my concrete. Constant trees and nature... well that gets a bit, old after a while. I will be begging Jordan to find a Starbucks tomorrow morning so I can get an Americano - I can't deal with the drip coffee anymore.

Well it seems like dinner is ready, so I should get going here.

I hope all is well back home.

I miss you all.

See you soon Vancouver

I am currently lying in the guest bed at my mom's house, exhausted after a super long day. I am in a space of waiting. A space of in-between. I don't feel as though I am still here and I don't feel as though I am quite gone yet. I am just waiting to start the journey.

Today I had to say good-bye to Jes as he took off to New York. I am sure he will post a very good blog post about his adventures getting to his Brooklyn apartment. I almost cracked a few times this morning as he left - but I managed to keep it together. It wasn't until I saw Bri later in the day that I broke down. I can't really put into words the type of relationship that Jes and I have - he means more to me than any other friend I've ever had. He has been my life partner for the past 2 and a half years, and being apart from him is hard. It is something that I have to do, that we both has to do to gain a better life perspective, but it is still hard. Just not being able to turn to him on the couch and talk to him about my day is ... well pretty crappy. We have an intense relationship - and I miss him already a great deal. I only hope that I will miss him less as the weeks roll on, but I know that is a pipe dream.

I also had to say goodbye to Bri (again) today - and like yesterday it was rather intense. I will miss that girl so much! We have become like a pair of chain-smoking, uber-intelligent and loving academics, who brought Jes into our fold.

At this moment - I have to pause to wonder to myself, what does it mean to make such intense friendships, only to leave them a month later? Why is that normal?

Tomorrow at about 4pm I am going to be getting in a very packed car and starting to drive towards Toronto, Ontario. This is the biggest thing I have ever done in my life and I have no idea how to do it. I have said good bye to all my friends - although in most cases, as Christine pointed out to me, it is not good bye so much as "see you soon." Which in Christine, Jen, and Jes's case it very much is. But that does not make this any easier - whereas normally I could pick up the phone and make plans to see people, now I have to figure out when I am going to be back in town or when they are going to be in Toronto. I am just finding the whole expereince - weird.

But even in this case of weirdness, I am so very exciting. I am buzzing with energy and excitement as I take my leave of Vancouver and British Columbia. Tonight, as I spend my last night in my mom's house, I am thinking less of everything that is being left behind, and more of what I am gaining - and the course my life is taking at this point. It is a good one. It is a excellent one. And I can't wait to start that journey.

That being said, we all know I have had a really rough 3 years - in it I have grown very tired of saying good-bye to people. So I refuse to say good-bye. Instead, I am saying I will see you all soon. And I love you.

Tomorrow I will post from Shushap Lake.

Best Friends Forever

This is Jes - I'm going to miss him.

Bearforce 1

Ok, I came across this on PerezHilton today, introducing Bearforce1 - an all gay bear pop/dance group from Holland.

How fucking HAWT is this!!! See their website here.

Picture Post - Matt, Brianne, and Jes' Road Trip To Chilliwack

Starting to Say Goodbye

This past Friday was the big going away party for Jes, Christine, and myself. It was a total blast. We all headed down to Jericho Beach to set up a bbq, beach party kinda thing. A huge group of people showed up - Bri, Jes, and I took Jessica in our car and after staring at a very beautiful shirtless man for 20 minutes or more we finally found ourselves a spot. People arrived shortly thereafter.

We had food ( A LOT OF IT!) Some of which has migrated back to our apartment. There was booze. There were cigarettes. It was just a lot of fun.

Plus it really did hit me that I am leaving this amazing group of friends behind and heading East. It was really nice to see how many people are going to miss us - when you are moving away, there is always that funny feeling that you get that makes you wonder, "Will people actually miss me?" It might be irrational and totally not based in truth, but you still have to wonder. I don't have that feeling anymore after Friday - my friends are going to miss me and I am so totally going to miss all of them.

We are coming up to 7 days now - Jes leaves on Friday the 17th, and I go on the 18th. We are totally freaking out. I literally have nothing of mine in the apartment anymore - once my suitcase is gone I am going to have 5 shirts, 5 boxers, a few pairs of socks, a hoodie and a pair of jeans. Plus my Runaways graphic novels, and 3 other books. This is really weird. I am in that in between space you get into when you are going somewhere - ready to leave, but not really ready to get going yet. I am rather tired of Vancovuer, but it is still home. Jes and I spent Friday just wandering around the city a bit - we had coffee in Yaletown and looked out at False Creek. Those are the moments I am going to miss. I will miss certain things. Certain memories. But I am ready for a new start.

Although I have to admit, I would be having a easier time getting that new start in Toronto if I actually had some money for when I get there. My SSHRC payment does not coming in till Mid September. Funny that....

Jes and I have been having a tough time getting time to hang out alone - today he is off to Chilliwack to see his family for a going away dinner (They are taking him to Boston Pizza) and he is back on Monday. I am hoping that we can at least get one full day (as in 24 hours) alone so we can just hang out the way we used to.

I'm starting to say good-bye to this place and the people that are in it. I just don't know how totally ready I am to say good-bye to my friends. No one said this would be easy, but I never really thought it would be this hard either.

Distinctly Different

So today was my last day at SFU - I had to watched my students write their exams at 8:30 this morning and then I marked said exams. Overall I was kinda impressed with my students - they did not do as horribly as I had thought they would. I was kinda pleased. Now it is just a matter of entering the grades into Excel and sending them off to be officially entered.

But I am done. Totally. Without a Doubt. 100%. Done with SFU. I have spent the last 7 years there, getting a BA Hons, and then my MA. It is so time to move on. When you know EVERY LITTLE THING about a department, you know you have been there for too long. And I am calling it quits. My grades are going in, my MA is defended. And in 8 days I am going to get in a car and start driving towards a new life in Toronto.

Oh yes. It feels so good! I do feel kinda different... not like I have no purpose, but like I have a whole new fresh chapter that is waiting for me to fill.

Lets do this thing.

Tonight, I am heading out with my posse to Numbers for Karaoke and drinking. I think I've even convinced Jes to come - even if it is for a little while. And then tomorrow, heading out to Mom's for the movers to come and collect my stuff. I really feel like this is happening.

Oh, and I want that bag from ROOTS - Jes has one just like it. But I need something to reward myself for being done at SFU with. And I want a new bag.

Free At Last, Lord Almighty I'm Free At Last

Today is the day of freedom - in about 2 hours I will be watching over my 103 students take their final exam and then I will be at school for a couple hours after that to mark said exams. After which I will submit the grades tonight and then... I AM FREE! No more SFU. No more crappy first year papers about drama. I will finally have totally and completely finished my tenure at Simon Fraser University.

Oh MY GOD!!!

Tonight its that weekly singing thing I do - the girls and I will hit up numbers again and make a night of it. I'm putting my dancing shoes on, so look out boys!


I've been feeling a bit like Angela these days - kinda trapped and unhappy. I think it is the stress of the impending move. Really not looking forward to that shit. Even though I am happy the course is over, I just am not looking forward to all that is upcoming - and I am getting increasingly more nervous about the move. Nervous and excited at the same time.

I do hope this change is the right one.

Well off to fail a few kids...

Covet

Sarah Jessica Parker's new fragrance commercial is... well... odd. I think it is great. Whoever came up with this idea was totally off their rocker, exactly WHO did they think would buy this? Plus that name is just so... lame (pardon the rhyme). I can think up a lot more fitting names for a fragrance by scary veiny SJP.

Enjoy.

Wave Your Pride Flag

So this weekend is pride in vancouver and I have pretty much decided that I don't want to do much for it. Even though it is a my last Pride in Vancouver for at least 5 years, I just don't really have the engery to celebrate this year. I guess moving across the country will do that to a person. That is not to say I don't have pride, I just am too fucking tired to actually go through the motions. So tonight on what would normally be a clubbing night for me, I am going to stay inside and watch the fireworks from my balcony and then go with Jes and Bri to see the Simpsons Movie. Tomorrow I will go to the parade and watch the cute boys go by and then go with my friends to the beach party... then come home. I might go out a bit tomorrow night, we'll see.

Right now, though I am pretty happy with my passive celebration of pride. I don't need to go out and get hammered and have a bunch of guys grab my ass on the dance floor to show how proud I am of being gay. I can celebrate being gay in a lot of different ways. This has always been one of my problems with pride, I don't get why pride has to equal drinking and sex. Yes last year I did a lot of both (man was I tired after pride weekend) but still, it should be about something much more important. As a community we often forget about where that sense of pride has come from. There is always very little talk of such events as Stonewall. We almost never hear about recent gay bashings and the political or communal backlash against such events. As well, pride is not just about being gay - it is about being queer in all its incantations. You don't need to just be a gay man or lesbian or a Transperson to feel pride, but anything that makes you queer or doesn't make you queer should fill you with pride.

At least that's what I think.

Nonetheless, this weekend is going to be a relaxed pride for me.

But my biggest goal for this weekend is - DO NOT GET SUNBURNED!

Well - Happy Pride Everyone. Be proud of who you are. Celebrate it in your own way and just be happy with whatever path your life has taken right now.

Thoughts of a depressive nature.

It hit me like 20 minutes ago that I am leaving my home in like 16 days. To top it off I am leaving and moving to a city where I know like 3 people and I am living alone. Everything I know and love I am leaving behind - and this is a very very scary prospect. I have no idea how I am going to do this.

I know people do this all the time, but I am not exactly one of those people who can walk up to anyone and start up a conversation - I need emotional support. Which i know I will get from the few friends I have already made in Toronto, and you have no idea how happy I am that they are there. I know I get all silly about Hotty Mchot in Toronto, but the fact that there is someone there who likes me and wants to get to know me and hang out with me makes this whole transition a heck of a lot easier.

But there is still the issue of me living alone. I am not used to that at all. The last time I lived alone I got sick 5 months later... you know that whole heart failure, dying thing. So I have some pretty messy associations with living by myself. It will take a lot of adjustment, but I hope I can do this. Well I guess I kinda have to.

I want to get a pet, especially a dog, but I am not sure if I can do that as soon as I move there. I don't think I am ready to move to a strange city and then adopt a dog - this would prevent me from meeting people. I said I would wait till January, so hopefully that will be ok.

I am incredibly jealous of Jes for moving to New York and in with one of our good friends - it will make his adjustment all the easier. For me, I can envision myself crying in my apartment... I don't need to get all depressed. I mean I shouldn't even be worried about this right now, I have to organize a move across the country... but it still weighs heavily on my mind.

To be honest I'm kinda scared.

Proud

Jes defended his Dissertation today. He had a 3 hour examination - it went wonderfully. I don't think he could have asked for a better defense. It was smooth in every way possible. Together I think we filled the entire room with nervousness. Damn this psychic connection!

He was clearly pissing himself when it started, but then that damn sexy brilliance of his came shining through.

Jes is now officially a Doctor! Hurrah!

I'm damn proud of you Jes! (And so is Carmine!)

Getting Ready

Tonight Brianne and Jes and I are hanging out - Bri is writing her paper for 304, Jes has just finished packing some stuff and I am sitting on the couch. This is a pretty regular night for us. There will be pot smoking, there will be Family Guy, and there will be cigarette smoking going on. Then a sleep-over.

Tomorrow we are going shopping to get Jes a shirt for his defense that happens on Thursday... its just a ever ending party around here.

The last few days have been crazy, Sunday was a family BBQ for me as a going away party. It was a great night. Then yesterday, I packed everything EVERYTHING from here at the aprartment and then took it to mom's so I could unpack it all and repack it according to the movers standards. I threw out so many books - apparently all I own are books. I packed 12 boxes of 20 that were just boxes. What is wrong with me? I have some kind of a problem. I just can't stop buying books... even today I was thinking of going to Chapters. I mean what the fuck. Someone stop me before I hurt myself. This means that I am going to have to buy at least 3 - 4 new bookcases.

I have 18 days left in this city. The count down has begun people. The parties are getting bigger. The tears are coming more.

I'm getting ready to leave home behind me... Let's do this thing.

And for your entertainment - Jeffrey Dean Morgan in a tank top.