That's My Daughter...

I just watched Knocked Up again - if you have not see the extended version yet (red cover) go out and buy it.

The movie includes one of the most amazing songs ever wrtten, by Loudon Wainwright III called "Daughter".

Everything she sees
she says she wants.
Everything she says she wants
I see she gets.

That's my daughter in the water
everything she owns I bought her
Everything she owns.
That's my daughter in the water,
everything she knows I taught her.
Everything she knows.

Everything I say
she takes to heart.
Everything she takes
she takes apart.

That's my daughter in the water
every time she fell I caught her.
Every time she fell.
That's my daughter in the water,
I lost every time I fought her.
I lost every time.

Every time she blinks
she strikes somebody blind.
Everything she thinks
blows her tiny mind.
That's my daughter in the water,
who'd have ever thought her?
Who'd have ever thought?
That's my daughter in the water,
I lost everytime I fought her
Yea, I lost every time.
everything she knows I taught her.
Everything she knows.

Also, here is one of my favourite deleted scenes from the movie. I agree with Jonah on every point about Brokeback Mountain.

"I wanna see Jake Gyllenhal on all fours getting his salad tossed."

Nuit Blance pt. 1

5 a.m.

Just got home.

Very tired.

Bed to dream of post structuralist and neo-postmodern art.

More tomorrow.

***Sound of head crashing against pillow***

Quiet Rumbles

Today is one of those days where I wish to all that is unholy I could have a clone or just be able to split into multiple versions of myself - like that character from X-Men. I have to finish reading Eagleton, start and finish Freud (I told you I would not get that done last night), scan over some stuff for my Veronica Mars article that I want to start writing this weekend, then I am meeting Lindsui and Brittany at the Bob Miller to pick up books for Bibliography and right after that I am attending a reading theory group. At least tonight I can relax and have some fun with Nick as we start our weekly tradition of Bionic Model Wednesdays. (We're geeks, if you can't deal with it, go elsewhere.)

Happily being busy will take my mind of stuff that's currently marching around my cranium. Last night a thunder storm kept me company as I thought about life and all things involved in that life.

But for today, I have books to read, theory to talk about, and models to watch.

I also wanted to draw everyone's attention to the fact that Iron and Wine has a new album out - it is called The Shepherd's Dog. (Go to their MySpace page here) Fantastic so far - a little different than his normal sound, but oh so worth buying. Course, if he let me I would listen to him sing a fucking phone book. Go Listen! (Amazon link to album)

Analities

I have no idea if that is the word I am looking for at this point, but I think it works just fine. I am sitting on the 13th floor of the library fucking around on line and not doing the research I told myself I should be doing. (Because if I am not reading Eagleton or Freud, I really should be doing something productive.)

I spoke to my Early Modern Minds prof today, and ran my paper idea by her. I think I made her head explode - she got really really excited and started talking so fast that I could barely keep up with my notes. My idea is to work on transgenderism in the early modern period, perhaps looking at issues of gender constructs and the way popular writers (read: phampletters) conceputalized the hermaphrodite. I fucking love my idea. I want to write the paper now. Like right now. But I know I have to do other pressing matters as well. Sigh.

Besides that, I ran to Travel Cuts to get a new ISIC card, picked up my October bus pass, and did a lot of reading today. Tonight, I want to try and get some headway in Freud, but I am also about to get the books off the shelves and go get myself a copy of Knocked Up - so I might watch that. I think I want bad food tonight. So I think I will order pizza... I know it is wrong of me, but I want melted cheese and sausage!

Now, as to the title of this post - I had to tell this little story. As I am sitting here at the computer this odd little man sat down at the one across from me. He moved the computer around to give himself more room (that's normal). What is kinda fucked up was when he started blowing on the computer and then went to the bathroom and came back with paper towels - 3 types actually. One was covered in Purell gel...I know I could smell it like he had pressed it against my nose, one that was wet, and one that was dry. He used them in that order. He then continued to dry the keyboard by blowing on it. (Which in my eyes defeats the purpose cause he is just spreading more germs on the keyboard). Also, a very jittery person - keeps moving in his seat. So strange.

Ok, time to get books and head home. :)

Here's hoping Jes's phone is working tonight... I'm going on over 30 hours without talking to him, not good for Matt's mental state!

Theory Love

"Pleasure, desire, art, language, the media, the body, gender, ethnicity: a single word to sum all these up would be culture. Culture, in a sense of the word which included Bill Wyman and fast food as well as Debussy and Dostoevsky was what Marxism seemed to be lacking. And this is one reason why the dialogue with Marxism was pitched largely on that terrain. Culture was also a way for the civilized, humanistic left to distance itself from the crass philistinism of actually existing socialism. Nor was it surprising that it was cultural theory, rather than politics, economics or orthodox philosophy, which took issue with Marxism in those turbulent years. Students of culture quite often tended to be politically radical, if not easily disciplined. Because subjects like literature and art history have no obvious material pay-off, they tend to attract those who look askance at capitalist notions of utility. The idea of doing something purely for the delight of it has always rattled the grey-bearded guardians of the state. Sheer pointlessness is a deeply subversive affair."

--- Terry Eagleton, After Theory.

Home?

I am going to start this post by saying that I have, without a doubt, the best Best Friend ever. Read on to find out why.

I have survived a month. It has been over a month since I arrived here in Toronto, and I am surviving in ways I never thought possible. I am happy - well relatively happy anyways. I still miss home and my friends, but I have a growing group of people here that are becoming dear to my heart. I am actually starting to think I could even grown to think of Toronto as a home... one of many anyways.

Yesterday was not a good day - I was incredibly down all day. For those who are close to me know what the month of October brings with it, and yesterday I started to feel that a bit. It is something I do not talk about often, and find it hard to even vocalize exactly how I feel about it still. So, yesterday I took a mental health day. Sat inside, felt sad at times and ok at others. Got to talk to Christine a bit - which was super nice. Then I went off to Queen Street and picked up a Terry Eagleton book for the theory reading group I am a part of here. Although to be honest, it is less about wanting to read theory than it is about impressing someone. (God how sad am I?) I took pictures with my new camera - will post some soon, promise.

After that, I got to talk to Jes. We discovered that the Tori plans we had would not work. So he decided to fly me out to New York and see her there. Yes, folks, that is right. I am going to New York in early October to see Tori Amos. I am also going to sit in on a class with Eve Sedgwick! It will mean missing a class, but I think I can afford to do that if it means getting to meet Eve. I've already squared this away with my prof, so don't worry about that. I really needed to have this happen yesterday, and I think Jes did too. I was missing him terribly yesterday, it was almost physically painful. So the idea that I get to spend time with him in New York - its exhilarating!

That is why I have the best Best Friend ever.

Today, I have class, I am in the midst of reading House of Mirth for today... which is better than the theoretical text (Kant) we had to read for today. It was rather dreadful. Yuck!

My day is looking better - everything seems a little shinier today. Maybe that is because of the news, or because I am just in a good mood, or maybe because Heroes starts tonight. Or maybe because tomorrow I can bring my own DVD version of Seth Rogan home.

F.Y.I. I have a spare Tori Amos ticket for here in Toronto on the 23rd of October... if anyone is interested in going with me. They are like 5 rows from the stage!

Time to Heal.

"As doctors, as friends, as human beings we all try to do the best we can. But the world is full of unexpected twists and turns. And just when you’ve gotten the lay of the land, the ground underneath you, shifts. And knocks you off your feet. If you’re lucky you’ll end up with nothing more than a flesh wound. Something a band-aid will cover. But some wounds are deeper than they first appear and require more than just a quick fix. With some wounds you have to rip off the bandage, let them breathe and give them time to heal."

-- Grey's Anatomy ("Bandaid Covers the Bullet Hole")

Waiting for a Change

I got to see Transformers in a whole new way... on the Imax screen. It was fantastic... the robots were larger than life, I had such a good time. Nick and I hung out and had coffee and then got to sit in a largely empty theatre and watch one of my favourite movies on a huge screen.

I am now sitting and watching Grey's Anatomy... the bomb episode. It's a good night. You know, I was going to talk to a friend, but he HAD to go watch a tv show... hrumph!

Red Guitars

Last night was one of those nights you know will stick with you. It was the English Department reception at the Faculty Lounge, so I got gussied up and headed over there. Met a few of my cohort and hung out with them for a while. Even managed to talk to a few older PhD students. For some reason, every attempt I made to talk to Michael Cobb (the guy i want to supervise me) failed - he was like a spectral being or something and would appear but then disappear a second later. This proved to be rather irritating. I had about 4-5 glasses of wine, so I was feeling fine! After the reception, I was invited back to a BBQ being held at Graduate House. Well, let me tell you... no force on this planet will ever get me back in that building. It was one of the most depressing, unoriginal, droll places I have ever been inside. It is hard core dorm like - not something that a graduate student should have to deal with! Ugh, I might have night mares about that forever.

Once the BBQ was over, I suggested that we go get a drink. I remembered that other grad students were going to a place called the Red Room... so I dragged them there. Well, that was the best decisions I've ever made. I saw one familiar face, who quickly introduce me to a whole group of people. All of them are PhD 2, but they seemed to quickly bring me into their group and enjoyed hang out with me. We had a few drinks there, then decided to head over to this great bar/lounge called the Centre... five dollar martinis that rocked my world. I got to talk about grad school, boys I like, girls I like, movies, got huge amounts of gossip... it was such a good night. I stumbled drunkenly home around 11 and hit my bed around 12:30.

Oh yeah... it was a good night. Today, I have to go to my bibliography class at 11. Then Nick and I are going to see Transformers on the Imax screen! Plus I should do some reading at some point...

Moneymaker

Exciting news... today, as you all well know, is the 18th of September. Which means that tonight is the Rilo Kiely Concert! An event I have been waiting for since July when I bought the tickets. If you know me, you know I like me some Jenny Lewis and Rilo... a band I consider to be among my top 10 of all time. And I get to see them live tonight. JOY! I will be picking up Marcos around 7 (or earlier - depending) and then relying on his knowledge to get us to where ever they are playing.

Excited much? Oh yes, I think so!

In other news, I met with the prof I am TAing for this year - its a year long course, how fucked up is that! She is fantastic! I love her already. Course in my brain we are already best friends and will hang out a la Tiffany style... but in reality that will probably not actually happen. But a boy can dream can't he.

Tomorrow I have to go to Mississauga - a place I had hoped never to go to, but I must to meet with students for the first time. What kind of TA shall I be tomorrow? Shall I be compassionate Matt? Shall I be bitter angry Matt? Or shall I be the TA we all know and love and do the "I will make you cry merely by looking at you" Matt? Oh we all know which it will be... I can't help myself.

Now I have to go home and clean the house up a bit - it is in a rather poor state after my lack of cleaning while Jes was here... although knowing me, I'll just sit on my ass and read or something when I get home.

I'll leave you with the lyrics to my current favorite Rilo Kiely song - Breakin' Up

it's not as if new york city
burnt down to the ground
once you drove away
it's not as if the sun won't shine
when clouds up above
wash the blues away

are we breaking up?
are we breaking up?
is there trouble between you and i?
did my heart break enough?
did it break enough this time?

here's to all the pretty words
we will never speak
here's to all the pretty girls
you're gonna meet

am i breaking up?
am i breaking up?
is there trouble on the line?
did your heart break enough?
did it break enough this time?

ooh it feels good to be free
ooh it feels good to be free
ooh it feels good to be free

betrayal is a thorny crown
you wear it well
just like a king
revenge is the saddest thing
honey, i'm afraid to say
you deserve everything

am i breaking up?
are we breaking up?
is there trouble between the lines?
did your heart break enough?
did it break enough this time?

ooh it feels good to be free
ooh it feels good to be free
ooh it feels good to be free

Till October...

Jes left tonight, I took him out to the airport and saw him off. I miss him already... its amazing that even in a couple days we managed to fall into our old patterns and our old relationship as twins/bffs.

I had a great 6 days with him - saw a lot of the city, got a great tattoo, spent too much money, drank a lot with him and Marcos, and even got to see Alexandra Ribera - a great local folk artist and friend of Marcos's. Please check out her myspace page here

Being able to hang out with Jes over the weekend was the breath of fresh air I needed to jump start my semester. Also it makes me look forward to next year when the musketeers are reunited! I hope that Jes had as much fun as I did...

oh and Jes, enjoy your Tuesday which is Friday, k?

The Pheonix

Here is a pic of the new tattoo and piercing... I think I look rather Stanley-esque from Streetcar in this pic.

I love the tattoo... I LOVE IT!!!! Symbolizes everything I wanted it to after the past three years... it's perfect.

Little Worlds...

I am about half an hour away from getting my new tattoo, but I had to make sure that I posted this.

Everyone should take a look at my friend Bri's blog - especially this post. It's pretty amazing and thoughtful.

Here's celebrating all of our little worlds. (Mine right now is the microcosm that I am living in until Monday with Jes - best little world ever.)

As the song says...

It's a good day. It's a good life....

I am on my way to the airport to pick up Jes.

Huzzah!!!

Its always a girl at a desk...

Today, my friend Dara and I went to check out the Centre for Sexual Diversity Studies at UofT, as is my usual expereince with one of these offices I walked in with high hopes that there will be a big collective of queer academics that I could hang out with and talk about Butler or Sedgwick or even about the state of sexuality studies today. Instead, there was Marge. Just Marge. Sitting at a desk... smiling up at me.

I think the most interesting moment was when Marge told us about some big research library that they have with films and books and other stuff. When I asked her where it was... she told me that she was not allowed to tell anyone about its location. Her exact words were: "If I told you, I'd have to kill you..." Ummmm, ok. That makes no sense, what so ever. When I asked her why, she had no answer. Also, I asked her about their interdiscinplinary graduate program, in which I should be able to combine my English PhD and their sexuality program in some way... she muttered something incompehensible and wandered away.

Oddness....

In other news - today is the 6th anniversary of 9/11... I'm going to second Marcos's blog post about today (see here). Don't fall into the hype of the day - and remember all the other horrible tragedies that have happened since (and before) 9/11. It is imperative that we recollect every day that we all remember that thousands of people still die every day from AIDS.

Tomorrow, Jes arrives... I am picking him up at 9:30 am.

Oh and I am in the middle of a HUGE thunderstorm right now - its amazing!!! This is SO cool!!!!! WHHEEEEE

So, So Sexy...

Could this movie be any hotter? I think not.

Running Head First Back Into a World of Academia

This afternoon at 4 I will be sitting in my first class for my PhD - and yes, for those of you in the know, I am pretty damn nervous. It has been well over a year since I actually was in a classroom so I am a bit rusty in that department. But that being said, I know how to work a room... I just turn on the charm and do my best.

Today is Art of Sex - a class that I am still trying to get the books for without spending HUGE amounts of money on them new. Failing at this so far. But it looks like a fantastic class. I will post more about it later tonight when I get home.

Wish me luck!

Hmmmmm....

I've been noticing a distinct drop in comments around here lately.... granted I have been so busy I find it hard to comment on other people's blog... but where's the love people?!

Perhaps my Toronto adventures are not exciting enough... fine then I will go climb the CN Tower!

Comment DAMMIT!

Feeling the love

I thought I would follow up last night's drunken post with a more normal and down to earth posting about my adventures last night. It was Nick's birthday party - his actual birthday is Monday, but he will be in Vegas (bastard) - and the party started at 9 and went till about 3 when i stumbled home.

I went along with Nick, Rob and two of Nick's oldest friend's Janee and Larissa to the City Grill in Eaton Centre - this was after a long adventure to actually find somewhere to eat. The food was great, but the cocktails... well oh my! I am already planning my next visit just to have more to drink. After this, we walked back to N&R's place, where I got to meet their dog Meg. We hung out a bit there and finally made our way to O'Grady's pub on Church street for Bear Night.

Wow.

I had a great time - I felt welcomed right away and think I was doing a good job of fitting in there. As many of you all know, I am not the best at being a overly "gay" situation - generally I am rather uncomfortable and feel a bit out of place. But N&R's friends certainly helped to make me feel welcome... oh and the 5 G&Ts I had certainly helped matters. Afterwards, I drunkenly followed Marcos along Church to find the Vomit Comet home. Then collapsed into bed at around 3:30am.

I know I have said this before - a few times actually. But having friends like Nick, Rob, and Marcos in this city has helped me in ways they can never know. They have helped to make this city seem like home already - just having someone I can call and hang out with or who invites me along to parties and the like... well, you catch my drift. (Don't want to gush too much - or their egos might grow too big.)

Thanks :)

I woke up at 11 this morning and lounged around in bed and the apartment drinking coffee. I got an amazing email from McFarland press today - they have expressed interest in the Pirates collection. I have to write up a proposal this month and get it to them. I am so very excited!!! So, I am currently at Robarts (the peacock) looking up books on Piracy history and other matters having to do with Jack Sparrow. Perhaps, if I don't develop any plans tonight, I might watch Curse of the Black Pearl...

F.Y.I. 4 days till Jes.

Night O' The Bears

Tonight was my friend Nick's birthday party - we had dinner at City Grill and then went to O'Grady's for bear night.

I am very very drunk right now... I need to be in bed.

that is all

"The most advanced piece of technology you'll ever pee on"

Because teenage girls after their high school proms want the best out of life...

Sitting in the Peacock.

Right now I am sitting in the Robarts Library computer lab, mainly because the english department does not have a graduate computer lab unlike EVERY OTHER UNIVERSITY I'VE BEEN TO!! I discovered today that Robarts is supposed to be shaped like a giant bird - most refer to it as a peacock, although many think it is a turkey. I just think its fucking ugly.

The style of the building is called Neo-Brutalism... how depressing is that? What person though, "Hey I know, lets create a building that we can refer to as Brutal." But more importantly, what person thought, "You know, classical brutal was pretty awesome, but lets make neo-brutalism to give it that extra little something-something. Cause that'll be fucking A."

Seriously... who the hell thought up this idea.

I've been having a good few days - Wednesday I had a bookstore tour of the Annex and made a great new friend named Lindsui. Wedneday night, i cooked dinner and hung out with Marcos. Yesterday, I got to geek out with Nick as we went shopping for comic books and then went on an epic search for Philip Pullman's His Dark Materials series for Nick to read on the plane to Vegas. Last night I hung out at home and watched some tv - I felt rather normal doing so. Today, there was a library tour of the campus - there are A LOT of libraries here! After that, I went out with a few PhDers and one MAer for coffee at one of the million Second Cup on campus. Actually we went to my favourite second cup in the Jewish Community Centre... I think they know me there now. But it was great to chat with people and start making some more connections here.

Which brings me to now... what am I doing now you ask? Well I am going to Travel Cuts so that I can...wait for it... book a flight for Jes to come visit me in Toronto. Yes. that's right... the Jessenator is coming to Toronto next weekend during the long weekend!!! I am so excited I am almost peeing myself. Then later I am going to get a few more books for my class on Monday and finally head home to get ready for Nick's birthday party tonight that Marcos and I are going to. O'Grady's on bear night... oh dear me.

That's pretty much it for now - my sore throat because of the pollution is not too bad today, still coughing some, but I'll get used to it.

Off to brave the heat once more!

Who Sings the Nation State

In my constant Amazon.com searching, I uncovered something amazing tonight. Two powerhouses of brilliance and two academic idols and people who have influenced my work singificantly are producing a book together.

Who Sings the Nation State, written by....wait for it.... Judith Butler and Gayatri Spivak will be released on October 1, 2007. How could this book NOT be amazing. Two of this planets most brilliant minds coming together to create a series of idea relating to nationhood and the way an individual relates to that nation.

Dear god, someone buy this for me!!! I need it!!! I want it!!!

Amazon link here

Making me Giggle

An all time fav of mine. "I bleached my butt hair for him"




A new Fav - everyone needs a gay boyfriend

Am I ready? Yes I am.

In about an hour and a half I will be sitting in my PhD orientation meeting at UofT. I have been waiting for this day for a very long time - ever since I sent in my acceptance notice. It feels weird that it is really happening. It might sound weird, but I feel as though everything over the past few years has led me to this point. I am a much different person than the "kid" who started the MA program just 2 short years ago, I even look different. I know, because I was showing off pictures of past incantations of myself last night... I was tipsy ok? I really do see this as me starting a new and fresh chapter in my life... I am starting to reinvent myself here in this city, and think so far I am doing a bang up job.

Thanks to everyone who sent me their well wishes for today... love to you all.

I am ready for this. I will do well today. (Although doing well at what I am not exactly sure...) And I will have a good time.

Maybe I'll even get to meet my "PhD Sibling" today.... that would be fun.

Little Italy, you capture my heart

Yesterday I woke up feeling kinda funny - my nose has been stuffed up every morning for the past few days, I think it is the smog here. I actually felt worse as the morning went on - ate some yogurt and thought that my stomach was going to explode from inside my chest. I have since thrown out that yogurt. So, after a morning of lounging about and feeling gross, I perked up and decided to go ahead with my plan to head over to Kensington Market. And wow, how glad am I that I did.

I stumbled onto a HUGE Italian festival that stretched for blocks and blocks along College. I was in heaven. There was so much cheap food - I managed to eat for like 7 bucks a fried pizza thing, a cob of grilled corn and a HUGE Italian sausage on a Portuguese bun. It was pretty amazing.

I wandered in and out of shops, listening to street vendors call out to passer-bys, I looked at some great used books, a store that just sells art books, a really cool comic store. I also managed to watch a few street performances, there were the Italian folk singers who were singing song from "the old country" as the lead guy said. Then I saw this amazing fiddle rock band named Dr. Drew - I highly highly recommend him to anyone and everyone. Such good stuff.

Finally around 8 I made my way back home... I was full, satisfied and pretty happy with my first Saturday alone in Toronto.

Today, I am waiting for the Bell phone guy to come to set up my house phone... he is over an hour late now. Then I want to head down to the lake shore for a free concert tonight - Serena Ryder is playing... I'd love to finally see her live.